I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
honey bunches of taint.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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