so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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