I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
