Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
