She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
