I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
