I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
