You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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