If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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