im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
