apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As shirtless as possible
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
