just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
