I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
