She's JV to your varsity
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
