How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
