"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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