I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone shit on the floor
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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