I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
