Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
