the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
