the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
