We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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