Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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