do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm too high and old for this...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
