why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
