hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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