Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
