I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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