You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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