Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
