I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
