I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
