My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
