dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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