I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
