My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
is it fun? or sober?
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