Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
