im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
