i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
