drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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