he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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