I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
