Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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