My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
