You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
