Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
