So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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