I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
