god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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