IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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