this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
